How DARE YOU? Softball girls

Look, we try to look on the bright side of things as much as humanly possible here.

We like to be some read-worthy, and real, and try to make sure that we are all counting our blessings most of all.

But let’s face it. We are dealing with children here. Whether they are 8 or 17, they are still children, and children are about as unpredictable and moody and unstable a creature as any you will ever meet.

Throw in some hormones, more girls – some pressure and heat, and a little splash of drama mixed with emotions that have you scratching your head and wondering what in God’s name is happening – and the truth is that some days at the ballpark are NOT all unicorns and rainbows! In fact, it can be a parent’s worst nightmare at times.

We have been there! When the daughter is acting like such a whiny brat, you want to just drag her butt off the field by her ponytail, throw all of her softball gear away, and NEVER look back.

You know, those days when you are thinking....

Seriously, kid! I worked my butt off all week, got up at the butt crack of dawn on the frigging weekend to get you to your tournament, stopped and bought you some breakfast from your favorite restaurant, spent an entire weeks worth of grocery money (not to mention gas) so that you would be well taken care of, and happy today – to listen to THIS? How dare YOU? I haven’t paid to have my nails done since softball season started, and your dad hasn’t bought the new motor for his boat because we are broke (not like he would ever be able to fish with YOUR schedule), and you are gonna roll your dang eyes at me? In front of everyone? You are gonna complain because the watermelon I cut into perfect triangles at midnight is not ‘cold enough for you princess?” You are gonna complain about being hot and sweaty, when my pre-menopausal self is sitting here in 98 degree weather, WITH HOT FLASHES and I am not complaining????

You really are upset that I bought filtered instead of spring water and I got you the wrong color GatorADE!

Are you for real gonna sit there and complain about WHERE we are GOING to eat so you can hang out with your buddies, when I have perfectly good peanut butter sandwiches packed in the cooler that would be sufficient and cost less than the Chic-Fi-Le lunch I am fixing to buy you?”

And seriously kid, What the heck are you doing out there toay? I did not come all this way, to spend all this time, to watch you act like you don’t even want to be here. I could be sleeping. Or mowing grass. Or catching up on laundry,which by the way I was doing last night at midnight while your spoiled butt was sleeping, because you didn’t listen and get your dirty crap out of your room like I asked you to, FIVE TIMES. And YOU are the one complaining. Next time you will play in a soiled, disgusting, stinky jersey for all I care.

And let me tell you something missy! We spend all of our time with you and your team FOR YOU! We aren’t doing this and draining our bank account, and not going on vacation, and putting two million miles on the car, and dealing with psycho parents, because that’s what WE ALWAYS want to do! It probably doesn’t seem like it, but the UNIVERSE does NOT, let me repeat DOES NOT revolve around you! And we certainly aren’t going to sit here and watch you act like a tee total spoiled brat, or put up with you rolling your eyes because “OMG, we are soooo embarrassing” when we do anything but sit still with our mouths closed and hand out money like an ATM, and act like you are doing amazing when you are NOT even trying after all those hours (and money) spent at hitting lessons – just to keep you happy! You wanna talk about embarrasing? How you are acting is EMBARRASSING! Oh no, kiddo! You have the wrong parents for that game.

In fact, If this is how you are going to behave, with your snarky comments, you can just quit softball altogether! Me and your dad will go on a cruise. Maybe I will buy me that beach house I have always wanted. Or a new car since mine is permanently stained and smells like a boys locker-room. You think I want to be out here looking like a wet dog, when I could be sipping a margarita by the pool on one of my ONLY days off? You better straighten up your attitude, stuff your face with that warm watermelon and show me SOME respect! You just wait kiddo…keep it up and see what happens!

YEAH! T H O S E D A Y S!!!!!! Sigh…..