We love softball coaches! They are almost as fun to watch (and listen to) on Game day as the girls that drive them crazy are. Coaching softball is no joke… and these men and women deserve the tip of our hats (and our prayers)!
Today….just some (the short list version) of the things that softball coaches say (and what the girls are probably thinking)….. We would love to hear your favorite linguistic line of your softball coach.
- Nothing Hurt! We LOVE this one. Especially because it’s usually said when something is most definitely, positively hurt – like when they make an error (or 3) in the last inning after being ahead by 5 runs the entire game and suddenly the tying and winning run both get on base….But….Nothing HURT, because great coaches always have faith in their team, right!
- Keep Your Head UP! This is usually said when there is really no valid reason for a team to keep their heads up, but the coach wants to encourage his/her team because he/she loves them and is telling himself ‘it is just one bad game and all that time spent in practice instead of doing yard work really IS worth it.”
- JUST HIT THE BALL! The simple command that reminds the girls what they are supposed to be doing at the plate, and completely simplifies the process from all the drills and advice they hear on a continuous basis… to JUST HIT THE BALL! And usually because the team really needs a hit, and if JUST HIT THE *damn* BALL is said with enough excitement, the girls will believe they can hit the ball – and usually will because they forget 90% of what they learn in those expensive lessons anyways.
- Deep N Creep? Huh? It’s supposed to be a reminder to the defense to MOVE along with the commands of DON’T GET ROOTED and MOVE YOUR FEET! This is sometimes said with a cuss word spoken into a towel, because the coach is certain that his defense is falling asleep or thinking about their next Instagram post, or trying to decide what they want to eat once the game is over…..
- Said thousands of times in practice when teams are catching fly balls, in an effort to keep them from being burnt by said fly ball, and because it’s easier to COME forward than it is to move back, and once the said fly ball is behind them….well, then the chase is on and suddenly we have a base hit (or 2 or 3) instead of an OUT, which is really frustrating for a coach and a pitcher!
- BALL FIRST!!! Also said after the defense, so excited to get the ball during a play, is so far ahead of themselves in their mental game that they are throwing before they are done fielding and usually make an error. Often followed by NOTHING HURT!
- WIN EVERY INNING! Because softball is one game comprised of several mini-games, and if you win every inning you essentially win the game! Great reminder that your team is never counted out until the last inning is over.
- Watch Her Hands! Because the coach knows she is trying to bunt. In fact, everyone knows she is going to bunt – the pitcher is throwing a rise because she is going to bunt – but the defense is apparently watching another game and the third baseman is still playing even with the bag, and no one seems to have the intention of crashing on the batter so the coach yells “Watch her HANDS” hoping that everyone will get the message.
- FREEZE A LINE TAG A POP! We hear this all the time, and we are pretty sure the kids are thinking about pop-sicles but the coach is just reminding their team to be smart base runners because he has visions of double plays in his head and he really doesn’t want two picked for the price of one.
- PICKED LIKE A BOOGER or YOU GOT A BOOGER! This may only be our coach, but whenever a ‘sneaky’ play works, or someone is ‘picked’ off the base he gets so excited he yells this. Also, YOU GOT A BOOGER is his way of reminding his players that he has a girl getting a little risky on the base and she could probably be ‘picked’ if they pay attention.
- ON THE CRACK! Everyone is looking around wondering whose butt crack is showing, but coach is gently reminding his players that they have 2 outs and they better be running on the crack of the bat!
- GET ON YOUR HORSE! Translation: stop sloughing and run!!!!!!!
- GET DIRTY! This means SLIDEEEEE!
- HOP N WITH THE PITCH! The easy translation here is don’t be lazy on the bases… It isnt always about speed, but about being smart.
- Nothing Above the Hands, nothing below the knees! (Where the strike zone ‘should’ be)
- WORK AHEAD! Usually said to a pitcher a few pitches before a coach is thinking about pulling her, because he/she knows that saying THROWING STRIKES is the dumbest thing on earth to say to a pitcher who is NOT throwing strikes.